my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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