now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
