she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
