You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
