We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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