I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
