i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
