i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
