I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
