I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
