What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
