do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
