butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
