he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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