Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
