i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
