im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
