stop calling my apartment porn island.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
