We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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