He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
