My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
