12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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