Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hippo gnu deer
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
