My first STD was from a foam party
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
