im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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