Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
