Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
