What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
