Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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