So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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