You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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