i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
