I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
