I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
