Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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