i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Less talking, more tequila
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
