Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i barfeds in our rink
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
