So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
