dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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