hotel room ftw
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
