So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
