i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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