small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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