wanna go halves on a baby?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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