NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
