Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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