I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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