That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
