Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
