i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
