uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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